Who is John Minderbinder?

In the wake of industry bailouts – er, “economic stimulus” actions – and resurgent proposals for soaking the rich – er, “restoring fairness in the tax code“ – comes a new cottage industry: selling copies of “Atlas Shrugged.”

Ayn Rand’s 1957 paean to “objectivism” is suddenly in vogue again. “The Wall Street Journal” is making space for op-eds by the president of the Ayn Rand Institute. Conservative pundits and assorted free marketeers are regularly invoking her ghost on the cable news shows. “The Economist” reports that sales of the book have rocketed to all-time highs.

It’s not a bad thing. In fact, “Atlas Shrugged” should be required reading for all knowledgeable Americans. But only if they are required to read another very thick book at the same time: “Catch 22,” by Joseph Heller.

“Atlas Shrugged” opens with the famous, if obscure, line: “Who is John Galt?” It turns out that John is a brilliant man who has utterly removed himself from society because productive “men of the mind” are inevitably taken advantage of by unproductive “parasites,” “looters,” and “moochers” who use laws and guilt to leech from the value the productive people create. A whole bunch of other men of the mind join him on strike and the world begins to disintegrate as their influence is lost.

“Catch 22” is a different kind of story. Set in World War II Italy, it follows the exploits of an American bombardier named Yossarian who wants to go home because he is convinced that people want to do him harm. (The German Army, to begin with.) But the really interesting character for this analysis is Milo Minderbinder. Milo is a mess officer who becomes obsessed with expanding the buying and selling of goods, which he builds into a “syndicate” in which “everyone has a share.”

Ayn Rand’s objectivism holds that allowing humans to pursue self-interest unfettered will benefit society at large by creating value and stimulating opportunity. Joseph Heller’s minderbinderism holds that human self-interest is largely inclined toward doing what will generate the greatest profit for the least effort – an activity that often involves deception and false value.

One might be tempted to reconcile these contradictory views by explaining Ayn Rand as an anachronism. She wrote during the height of America’s industrial powers. The productive business people portrayed in “Atlas Shrugged” all made things. They invented and manufactured. They didn’t leverage and outsource. (There do not appear to be brokers or investment bankers in Galt’s Gulch.) Could it be that “Atlas Shrugged” is just a figment of a generation?

But Joseph Heller is no acute observer of current events. “Catch 22” was published in 1961 – contemporary with Ms. Rand and long before Wall Street’s current brand of barbarians reached the gate. Regardless, read this partial description of one of the activities of Milo Minderbinder’s “M&M Enterprises” syndicate:

“Milo chortled proudly. ‘I don't buy eggs from Malta,’ he confessed... ‘I buy them in Sicily at one cent apiece and transfer them to Malta secretly at four and a half cents apiece in order to get the price of eggs up to seven cents when people come to Malta looking for them.’ ... ‘Then you do make a profit for yourself,’ Yossarian declared. ‘Of course I do. But it all goes to the syndicate. And everybody has a share. Don't you understand? It's exactly what happens with those plum tomatoes I sell to Colonel Cathcart.’ ‘Buy,’ Yossarian corrected him. ‘You don't sell plum tomatoes to Colonel Cathcart and Colonel Korn. You buy plum tomatoes from them.’ ‘No, sell,’ Milo corrected Yossarian. ‘I distribute my plum tomatoes in markets all over Pianosa under an assumed name so that Colonel Cathcart and Colonel Korn can buy them up from me under their assumed names at four cents apiece and sell them back to me the next day at five cents apiece. They make a profit of one cent apiece, I make a profit of three and a half cents apiece, and everybody comes out ahead.’”

Does that sound like Collateralized Debt Obligations to anyone else?

Oh, and don’t forget Milo’s motto: “What’s good for M&M Enterprises is good for the country.” (And his remonstration to any pushback that if you’re not for us, you’re against us.)

For a couple of generations now, many of America’s best and brightest have been marching off to Ivy League schools not to prepare to invent and manufacture things like John Galt did, but to prepare for careers that more closely resemble Milo Minderbinder’s. The helms of farms and factories are increasingly staffed by B and C students while the A students invent and manufacture the exotic financial instruments that, by many accounts, have brought us to the brink of economic ruin. Why? Because out of self-interest, the A students could make more money that way.

In a pivotal “Catch 22” scene, Yossarian wanders the streets of war-time Rome seeking to save a young girl from unspeakable hardship. Milo Minderbinder, who by virtue of his power and connections has more ability to accomplish this than anyone, has just abandoned Yossarian to pursue the latest profit-making opportunity that has presented itself. Yossarian is left alone to contemplate the subjects of poverty and inequality “in a world that never yet had provided enough heat and food and justice for all but an ingenious and unscrupulous handful.”

Readers interested in contemplating these important subjects for themselves should take some of the stimulus money that trickles down to them and contribute to the estates of not one, but two dead authors: Ayn Rand AND Joseph Heller. Just be prepared: “Catch 22” is a whole lot more entertaining.

And, unfortunately, a whole lot closer to The Truth.